Is Birth Null When You're Dead?

P.S. Carter died a few months ago. Today is her birthday. I don't know what to think. Should a birthday still be celebrated a la the beautiful collection of flowers sitting more than a foot high on my desk top for everyone to see in celebration...?

Ya gotta wonder if it's a little moot to celebrate the anniversary of the physical appearance of someone to the world. I mean, there they are, dead and doing whatever dead people do and they don't have cake or presents and it just seems a little...

Well I dunno. Happy birthday? Congratulations on living how long you did? Sorry bout the whole death thing. Do they serve cake in heaven? I don't think a corpse would look very good with a pointy paper hat atop its head. But...

It's just days like this we can't help but remember. The lifespan of our friends is shorter than those of strangers no matter how long they live in comparison. It hurts, and it's supposed to. Don't argue with the feeling. Don't say a stab in your back tickles, because it doesn't.

Ceremony is addictive. People are addictive. Friends are addictive. They're common. They're something that's been strung into your memory like fishline through a column of glass beads. If someone takes your friends away everything comes crashing down and the glass beads break into fragments. You do your best to pick it all back up but glass it sharp. It hurts. It's supposed to hurt. Without the hurt we'd never know anything was wrong.

If you take away the keystone from an arch you can't expect the rest not to come falling down on your head and you can't pretend it hasn't. Even animals have a pattern. If you have a pet try altering your schedule. See if your cat doesn't give you a hassle or your dog whimper in confusion.

Here's the thing. I miss P.S. Carter. I miss L. Livesay. I miss my grandfather. My mind misses them. My existence misses them. I've never been one for habit. Everything varies and changes. But don't take away my fishline. That's just mean. I've got pretty beads on that. That bit of line had a job. I don't go cutting up your pretty things.

I don't know if I have enough glue for this. Is there a metaphorical into literal supply store in K-town?

currently: Not quite right for the job.

current piece of writing:

Depression Impression

by Corey Johnson

Depression impression
Seclude and re-lube
Ignite, insight
Insert and repeat.

Johnson, Corey. "Depression Impression." Comp. Keith Norris. Ed. Nick Sewell. Imaginary Gardens (2007).

An arts and literary journal published by PSTCC.