Strattera Strut

For those of you (why I refer to "you" in my journal still is a mystery to me, I've long since procrastinated too much to have anymore readers) who know me personally know I can be more than a little random. I have a feeling it's not really noticed all that much or really taken with any sort of seriousness. I have, on occassion, popped up and said something that really doesn't correlate with the current conversation or the current emotion of the day. I do think quite a bit before I speak so I avoid some of those situations unless I'm nervous.

This is a symptom of ADD. I've had ADD for a while now. It's not major and I don't claim that it prevents me from doing anything or it is incredibly impactful in my life. But it has created some problems.

I'm a horrible housekeeper. I procrastinate about everything. I don't remember conversations, people's names, or timelines in the least. I have trouble taking notes unless it's written on the board. I have trouble paying attention during any sort of performance including lectures and concerts (less so during plays and movies where there is a plot to follow). I usually don't retain information gained from lectures or concert songs.

I zone out when I'm overwhelmed. I used to sleep to deal with too much activity. I hate large crowds or group conversations. I'm a horrid shopper because instead of focusing on one thing I'll go to an item, see another item in my periphery and leap to it then leap to another without really getting the benefit of the prior inspection. It takes me forever to get out of a store this way.

And...well...etc I suppose. I could go on but then I'd lose the focus of my entry, wouldn't I? I would like to commend Strattera for it's hard and unrelenting work on my brain. It has allowed me to gain focus and internal organization more than any semenar or Sunday lesson has. It's a different world with Strattera. Items are initially individual where as before they were itinially a fuzz of activity and there was effort in making them individual.

I don't like taking pills, not generally. So I take Celexa and I take Strattera, which nullifies my statement completely. It literally made me cry when I realized that a higher dosage of Celexa would probably work better for me. I wanna say something about this--about how, if taken with proper care, medicine can do wonders. But, the truth is, I still remain doubtful of medicine (even though it's had such an effect on me).

It is possible to control your body. Medicine is a bridge to that. It's like when you have an infant who is learning to walk and the parent holds up its pudgy little arms so it stands for a few moments and taps a few tentative steps out. But sooner or later those supporting hands fade. You don't see many 30 year olds walking around with their mom holding up their arms.

It's hard to imagine being able to walk all the way from the chair to the couch right now. But I know it's possible. I've seen it done and that is my goal. But for right now I've got two hands in mine and for the first time I'm standing upright. I know how it feels. My perspective is changed. That is a fabulous thing.